Nothing complicated about it!

Life is simple...

I wish it was always that easy to bracket things as 'easy'... lol


However recently I was facing alot of stress and problems in dealing with people and situations etc...but I learned from dear ones and myself... that letting go is the key to looking at every situation as a simple problem...

Its not that I dont care... I'm learning not to care toooo much! :P I

The Beautiful Irony

Due to the water shortage in Bangalore, esp in my locality.. we've been trying to economise our water usage. We now pump water from our well for non-edible purposes. Quite alot of work if one has to do it daily... but we are all used to it by now. We've been doing it for nearly 2-3 months now...

So the other day when it we had a downpour in Bangalore for nearly 2 hours, all over the city.
I couldnt help thinking :

"What alot of water is going waste!"

Then I caught myself horrified!!

I LOVE THE RAINS! ADORE IT.. ITS THE MOST ROMANTIC ELEMENT OF NATURE!

And look at me... worried about even enjoying it. But thats what its come to!

BUT!this was when the downpour occurred, when I was travelling by car.

The day before that...when I was at home.. and it just rained.. moderately ...

I saw the most beautiful sight... :)

Colours of the rain

Green... greeen... lush greens... wet.. shining... singing... whistling... swaying.

My neem tree swayed and her large hairdo was ruffled and shaken..
My christmas tree stood as tall as possible.. but shook a bit.. (I giggled as I personified them)

My maroon car stood wet and shiny... brand new.. looking happy.
Yes I felt their happiness too.

The road ... dark, silver, greyish, black...

I felt dreamy... felt good.. Felt the wind.
The chill

The pleasant chill.

Romance.

The water sprayed at me through the window.

I smiled. Kept smiling.

Zero

Dynamic lives.
Mine.
His.
Theirs.

Back to where it all started.

Walls cant be built anymore,
but emotions can.

Ground zero- no expectations.

I had learnt not to have any.
I had thought that was for loose times... thin strings..
Not thick and strong ones...
Boy was I dreaming?

I thought we had passed the ground level.... passed ground zero.

Now its back again.... zero...zero...zero....zero

Zero expectations.


There are very few people in this world who do things for people. I dunno why I was born in that category. I should be self-centered again.

Rewind.

Bitter Bites

Surprise..

But it wasn’t that shocking… déjà vu

As I dug my teeth into the bitter moment…..

I thought…is there no logic and no reason,

for this bitterness to exist?

Mistakes.. done to me

Even I make them.

I know I’ll move past it… but it takes a while..

Sometimes its weird that I wish people see things

the way I do.

React like me.. feel like me…especially those close to me..

Be sensitive towards me.. like I would towards them.

But then that’s not possible.. cause everyone is not you.

Why does everything taste so bitter. I didn’t want such a huge bite.

Take it away from my face..

I need water

No Kidding around.....

I just realised.. now that Im outta college and everything...

I'M NOT READY TO GROW UP!!!

No !!!

I wanna stay a kid.. well kid in college.. not a kid in the big BAD world! :(





I know I sound like a chicken.

WELL I FEEL LIKE ONE!

:(

Work.. is understandable... but planning where I am gonna be 5 years from now.. is scaring me!!!

:(

Secret garden

(to them.. who gave me life)

Hiding.

Lies I have to tell you.

My secret garden.

How safe and unfraid.

How far away from you.

I’ve left you in the dark.

You made me do this.

Made me hide.

Im hiding my joy.

Hiding my hopes,dreams,castles in the air.

Away from your ‘fears’ and ‘love’

Away from your consciousness.

Away.

Hiding.

Because I’ll never know any other way.

Hiding… yet I want to share…

Maybe one day you will let me.

Please stop me from hiding.

BIRHTDAY REMINISCES

Especially to my family who made it a memorable one...

I’ve been wanting to blog about my birthday, but somehow words don’t fit the emotions I experienced. The love I received in terms of the wishes, the gifts , the smiles and the hugs is unexplainable.

The love I felt this 20^th birthday was something I never expected. I’ve never been the type who plans her bday and party etc months ahead (my own sister does that lol.. ), somehow I never felt like planning. This time , I had planned, but the people on my list kept changing, and finally chose few of those who’ve been by my side, who’ve been a friend, and most importantly people I like :)

Irrespective of my friends changing, friends from my past somehow have a soft corner in my heart, and I decided to break the barriers and let me indulge in their company again.. like old times.. and tho playing a host gave me very little time with everyone, I was glad to see everyone enjoying and bonding! Gave me smiles too. Unfortunately the pics I took were last min and blurry… I forgot about camera till everyone got ready to leave!!

I cant describe the best gift cause a lot of them have very special and warm sentiments attached…

But one of them really got me crying was from my sis, Ishu and my family too.. tho I think primarily it was my lil sweetie’s idea.. they got me calendar with my childhood photos, when I was a baby and as I grew older…with each member of my family… was really sweet. Something I didn’t expect!! *sniff*


I got a real special perfume, from a really special someone *hugs* … cause that someone knew how I used to go to the mall and spray testers and sigh and rave and rant about Elizabeth Arden and when a ‘dream’ like that comes true, u dunno what to say. Esp when u with that person, and ur being asked to take it at the perfume store. I was speechless. Not used to dreams like that coming true… end up buying for someone else always.. pampering myself is tough!

Surprisingly three of my friends took up a similar idea as my sis, and gave me collage of photos with memorable moments. *sweet*

One of my friends, flew down from another city, just for my birthday! *------------* cant describe the emotions--- shock,awe,gratitude etc..etc! I mean she came down just for me :) its something I’ll never forget, for the rest of my life !

I got books,shoes,clothes, and perfumes too… everything was sweet and anything I got made me happy cause I didn’t expect like proper gifts, knowing how broke we all get esp when it comes to buying gifts ;p

Well I had the birthday blues after that, maybe it was various things, but mostly I think I didn’t have enough of the special day :( lol… in a way its right to have one day when ur treated like a queen and in a way its not! But anything in excess would cause monotony and boredom.. so I shall let it be.. and smile when I think of my 20^th bday :)

By the way,my 18^th bday sucked-shattered the hype of the ‘grand’18 bday, and 19^th wasn anything extraordinary…

This bday made me re-discover the joy in birthdays and gave me a lot moments to savor and reminisce… and my family really played a huge role in organizing and making it a successful and memorable day :)

As I grow older , I realise the value of home, family, relationships –good,bad,ugly, and that thing called….love!

"Men spend their lives in anticipations,--in determining to be vastly happy at some period when they have time. But the present time has one advantage over every other--it is our own. Past opportunities are gone, future have not come. We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer the tasting of them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age."

Charles Caleb Colton


When I read this quote I realised I've done it too... we should be happy NOW and live today for today ! :)

Losing People (to the friends I thought I had, especially one)

I never thought that I could let myself lose friends easily. I hold onto every memory. Every conversation, argument and giggles and tears.

I cant let go easily because I thought that person cared too. Its tough. But I cant compromise on the truth, my self-respect, their stupidity and immaturity and my principles.

When time passes by us during a fight and moments of harsh venom filled words are exchanged, time really stands still. At that point u want to tell yourself that this isn’t real and tomorrow she’ll call u again and laugh about this. But the truth is she wont. Nor will I.

Since the past 3 years I’ve lost ‘’friends’’ who I was close to. Girls who shared my secrets and I shared theirs. It takes years to build love and respect. How can a few misunderstandings and fights erase everything. But the fact is, it does.

Those close to me have comforted me and some of their words made a lot of sense –

“People come into our lives for a particular time. When they leave its their time to leave. No matter what u do, u can never bring them back. No matter how hard u try.”

“Those who don’t stick by you, are just not worth it.”

I was listening to Nelly Furtado’s ‘why do all good things come to an end?’ and felt sad for a while. But then I realised something today in the shower. Where I felt the water trickling through me… around me , over me, healing me.. and like most of us, I felt comfort there.

I realised that if it really was a good thing… it would never end. Never…

Sometime back I used to wonder what is it like to be content?

We can never be content. We can never be satisfied. But I feel the satiated state can be achieved by a little self-analysis and self-observation.

What are we constantly chasing?

Who are we constantly pleasing?

Well I cant not chase or please… its natural… but I think happiness begins when we start accepting our failures, our stupidity, our shortcomings.

I cant say I’m content. But yeah…Im happy with the way things are… for now…

I know what it feels like to love and be loved.

My family is intrusive but caring lol and

I’m slowly realizing the value and non-value of friendships.

Sometimes I frown and wonder… what!? No worry? Why??!!!

Like in Roald Dahl’s book “ The problem is, there is no problem.”

Heheh.. Im really like that… so I’ve learnt to take things slowly and as they come. Enjoy the sad and bad moments. Cherish the giggles and silly conversations. And live in the good ones :)

Being content and satisfied may last only a day or two or maybe more…I guess it really depends on you…

Tasting freedom

I’m sooooo haaappppyyyy exams over!!!!! Yeh!! Finally

For the past 2 weeks, I’d really forgotten what it was like to be free, relaxed, chill, etc…and the other synonyms for “no tension” which I felt the whole semester. Hehehe..

But its true… after u’ve lost sleep, put in last minute sweat and walked around like a zombie… U deserve a break… and so now its settling in.. slowly..the taste of freedom!

Aaahh… gently… slowly.. creeping up my legs… my waist…my hands… my face.. relaxed…… and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

…..wanna sleep ;)

This time Its Really different!!!

Dedicated to AK


So close to you. I bare it all open.

The wounds, the scars, the flaws,
the love, the peace-- all open to you
and you'll still care and
accept me for who I am.

'shameless' with you.
impulsive and wild.

I don't have to impress you.
That's why I don't lie to you
I don't need to.
You'll always be by my side.


That's what makes us special,
& I mean it when I say, "This time its really different."

letting loose...

Gosh!! its been ages since I blogged... feeling pretty bad about it. Dunno what to post, when to post... etc... feeling bad cause havent visited other blogs and my old blog pals... sigh.. hope they're still around.. will try visiting soon!

I've been so stumped with work, college, and 'socialising'

Just thought I'll write an 'unmeaningful' post for a change cause I just wanna!!

Just wanna let looseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

MASKED!!

I was doing a psychology project on 'personality' and went through many pics..masks... here are a few.. i love them.. fascinated :)

What Superhero are u?

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you.Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

LiAr LiAr PANTS on FIRE!

I don’t understand why people lie. I don’t understand the need to lie.

I mean I’m trying to understand and I have come to a few conclusions, but still there’s just one word that rings in my head- WHY??

Why lie? Most people lie because of insecurity issues. And this is usually termed as ‘issues’ by friends and peers. No one knows what this vague issue is.
“yeah he’s got issues…”What issues? Why does he have issues? So then I analysed a friend of mine. He constantly lies. Its an open joke. We all know he fibs, and he laughs it off. But I keep telling him its not funny. It’s a serious problem. A major flaw in his personality. He gets kicks out of lying and fooling around with me when he sees how shocked and irritated I get when I see the truth.

Its not just him. I know a lot of guys who lie. I know girls too. In fact I never know whose telling the truth anymore..lol. Its seriously a problem!

People lie when they cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends. Now that’s wrong but logical.
But why lie to friends? Lies to show off – insecurity. Lies to cover up- insecurity. Lies cause your ashamed of yourself- insecurity.
I hate it. Why cant people accept themselves for who they are and what they’re made of?



LOVE YOURSELF!!! Be who you are!






There have been times when I have lied too. White lies …like lie to a friend who I wanna avoid and say I’m going out with my family..lol or stiff like that.

I’ve had insecurity issues as well.When they were big, I solved it and tried hard to love myself again. But I didn’t lie. Not once did I let my self-respect go.
I have minor issues now too.

Like I have an ego problem. I do.. with the smallest things. Just today I experienced it. In fact 2 days in a row, over money problems with the auto driver. And I told myself let go. I was seething with rage. Yestreday I yelled. Because he was at fault. Today I didn’t because none of us were at fault but he was being really nasty and rude and seemed like he wanted to fight.
I cant take any kind of silly dominance and all that bullshit. The auto drivers arent always that bad. But these two!! Im getting angry thinking of them

Anyway… that’s my story.. and I really hope people will stop lying to one another. See when people meet me. They meet the real me. The person I am. I take time to open up. But I don’t have layers. I trust people. That’s a problem. But I dunno any other way.

I really don’t.

I wish I could make everyone see how life would be easier if they stopped lying and started trusting one another. Started being professional in their careers. Started looking at things objectively when needed. Sigh…I only hope you guys got my message at least! Im not trying to say stop lying.But don’t do it unnecessarily. Its really not cool.Its Immature and stupid.

Clueless

Where am I headed?
It's like I dont care ,but still I do.
I want to. But then again...what do I really want?
Who do I really need?

I talk to people.
People talk to me.
What do we need?
What do we want?

Everything is so ...blah...

Nothingness.

How do I define happiness?
Are they fleeting moments that one has
to catch...
Before they pass you by....

Didnt wanna leave kerala :(

Recently I went to Kovalam (kerala) with my mom,dad, and sis... a short 3 day trip.
We stayed at Taj Green Cove Resort. A sexy place...check it out (when financially comfortable;p)
I loved it. we were so pampered...well its the Taj. They have a private beach. Tho we discovered the Leela Hotel -next door neighbour - was on a cliff right on the sea. Beautiful..wanna go back there someday. lOl

I've been waiting to get away...anywhere...n finally it was kerala. Our desination. Yep...God's own country.

I wish i could take pics in the plane cause when the plane tilted to kind of dive in, the sky and sea merged and suddenly it was all blue. I was like..shit where r we?? n then saw the coconut trees...and the excitement began!!:)

No cell phone!! no vibrations in my jeans pocket and no one calling me! YEH! it was bliss..tho i missed my frens n wished they were there with me to share my joy :)
p.s. messged once from mom's phone..tee hee...but still! i felt so free!

I've taken such a long break from blogging....but i always took pics...n thought..hm..wanna post this pic...tho i cant put up all the pics ( about 100- happens with a dig cam hehheh;typical tourist i agree...lol) here r a fw of my fav.



The famous backwaters of kerala! It was one pleasant evening boatride...but it was enough to last an impression in our minds. Im crazy about beautiful skies..fascinates me..

At the private beach...on the hammock...thats me:) oh man...i dint wanna leave :( that's the lagoon behind me.

the cool breeze and sea water spraying mildly on my cheeks... ah...almost paradise. almost,cause i may discover a better place...in the future;p

backwaters again....

I was so impressed with the ROADS in Tiruvanthapuram! man..they were so smooth... we kept comparing bangalore..lol...no need to say more...

The city wasn't stagnated with traffic jams, cabs had awesome stereo systems :), roads were like highways or laid the previous day, people were proud of their culture -showed when we mixed around and visited the museum.

You can sleep on the floors of the airport or relax on their huge black leather sofas.

Then when i reached Bangalore...I really wanted to cry!!! This is my hometown n i love it. But it has deteriorated so much!!!I think it starts with the ppl. Prob is no one co-operates here.

Hm...maybe kerala's secret is its high literacy rate :) whatver it is..i wanna go back there soon!!

2 souls meet

Is her soul half or full
Is his half or full

2,but feel like 1
or is it unreal
or is it real

Unanswered

2 souls in search for
perfection,beauty,truth

Thirtst or hunger
It doesnt matter.

2 souls together

Can they become one
Should they become one

*Moment*:)

CHEESE:)


Me happy I think…
I dunno…it happens when u love ur pals and spend a full day with them…buying time and extending it hoping it never ends…without work,studies or boys lol.

*People who know me, know that I’m smiling most of the time. (sometimes just duh!) hehe
So this aint a post about my smile or why I’m smiling so broadly(that pic is with one o my close fren babs..and maybe that’s why I’m so happy..hehe but sorry had to crop it:p)
Actually dunno y im posting this..but sometimes u just want to write!*

So…..on Saturday I went out with my girls!!!!!!!!My best frens Spu and Nivi:):):):)

For ICE AGE2!-damn cute…no complains
And lunch at KFC and then ice cream..well I was the only one who ate lol.Corner House rockz…if anyone has access to CH get their dark chocolate and walnut scoop for 25 bucks…awesome eh?
Then Barista…where both of em drank flavoured ice..lol that’s how they make their drinks…frozzzzen!ahem…where a funny thing happened…
I was really thirsty and took out the mountain dew bottle from spu’s bag admist our chatter about how annoying boys can be…
When an instant later my mouth is half open and still dry and I’m staring at an orange and black clad waiter who says “I’m sorry maam but your displaying the wrong brand at the right place.”
I’m sorry wha??
So I’m still staring…confused and spu’s blank and nivi is grinning I think.
I thought display…u know like my pants were low or something…and almost gulped cause these were low :p
And he says “even kinley isn’t allowed…” And spu goes “its water…”
“Yes maam but my manager just told me to tell you…”
I was still thirsty “ Um…can I just have a quick sip?!”
“yes..just hurry.”

JEEZ! And after that 3 of us couldn’t stop laughing…like giggling immature kids…
Dunno why..we kept replaying the whole scene! Like how 3 of us were shocked..how I thought he was talking about my pants and how spu tried to cover up with “its water!!”
Hahahha… uncontrollable laughter that can happen only when 3 gals(or more)…get together…lol…and esp 3 cute gals;) hehe

Oh there’s more to the day…our silly antics(like how my car got stuck and the cop kept yelling and abusing in Kannada..and how I hadn’t carried my license and nivi was shit scared and spu was abusing back…but luckily didn’t get caught….and how we all tried out one sexy top at LACOSTE..lol )
but this one “moment” was too funny..and thinking about it still makes me smile like the pic..lol:)