I dont know what to say.... I love you poo ... always will... u know that.

Moving on as a way of life

Moving on from the baby steps we take to the first fall while riding a bike

Moving on from our first kiss to the first heartbreak

Moving on from the coca colas to the beer bottles

Moving on from good habits to bad ones and then back to the good ones

Moving on from a like to a love

Moving on from riding a bike to a second hand car

Moving on from jealousy to self-security

Moving on from almost pass marks to a second class in final year

Moving on from a bad relationship to knowing what we want finally

Moving on from one job to another and another till not knowing when to stop

Moving on from flirting to commitment

Moving on from disbelief to faith in religion

Moving on from life to death and back again...

Stray dogs

What’s it like to sleep on the road, in a warm bask of sunlight?
Bathing in the morning yellow glow, wrapped up like in a warm blanket of sun rays.

I’ll never know.

Those stray dogs looked so content today.
They sure must’ve slept better than I did on my bed, with two blankets.

Bookmarks

When we were young we designed bookmarks and collected the cool ones with funny sayings or unique designs. A bookmark had its own attitude.

But nowadays we've almost done away with them...

I've seen people use a restaurant bill, boarding pass, visiting cards, and my very own current bookmark-take away menu of an asian cuisine joint! :)

Ideas

It is so simple to create an idea out of the abstract.

They possess details like a butterfly’s wings.

Perfection matching layers of skin examined under a microscope.

Beauty like that of a flower with morning dew.

During the formation no other form or object disturbs us.

We breathe and feel our little creation.

So chaste and untouched.

Excitement fills us from our heart and radiates to the rest of ourself.

And then comes along a fact or a friend who says, “oh that? Its already been done…”

Emotions cease to understand each other. Do I smile or freeze?

And alone one wonders if the same idea would’ve been different had I tried it out.

Or would it be a copy of what exists.

Death. You may know when its coming. But you'll never be ready for it. Ever.

Our first battle

I killed him. No wait, he killed me first. I killed him again and again and again. He smashed me. We didn’t stop. Frustration. Excitement. Fatigue.
He asked if we could just talk, now that we’ve damaged each other enough. He asked if we could relax. I asked him, do you want to talk about our dreary lives? About the work we do and how much we detest our monotony? About our dreams and our ambitions, which we hope take shape someday?
Your right he said, and continued to destroy me.

I laughed. Are you losing to a girl? He didn’t reply, patted my hand lovingly for a second, his eyes darted around and swung a blow.

We did it for 2 hours.

I won. But it was not easy. I felt bruised all over. We even altered our troupes so no lucky color would be a factor. I chose white twice and so did he. We got up and walked out of the café. Exhausted and refreshed. Tired and liberated.

I dunno how, but we always manage to re-invent our dates. But I’m sure the next time we play chess, it won’t be the same. The same hunger, sweat, blood and sweet intensity will always be reserved for the first time.

Travel discoveries

Have you had questions in your head that went unanswered and eventually forgotten?

Its funny how this works, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one, but traveling, enlightens those unsolved mysteries.

I love traveling, not only because I want to de-stress and relax. But more importantly its because I love learning new things - new streets, new train stations, new airports, new culture, new names, new faces, new histories....the list is endless!

And in all this discovery, everytime, this surprises me, but everytime I come home a new person. I come home with a wiser approach to life, to people, to situations.
Its splendid and raw because its so simple, when I sense those layers dispersing like butterflies off my chest.

And when I look back at what bothered me, I find myself grinning and thinking it was so silly!

There are so many issues we have in our mind, so many judgements and queries that are burried and forgotten, but still impact our personality.
Its just wonderful that so many things I didnt know bother me, wash away everytime I travel!

I hope I keep rediscovering myself everytime! :)

I just wish I had more money so I could keep traveling! :P

25 things your forced to think 'randomly'

Tagged by Equi

Ok..here goes the 25 things about me that I thought of now at work...

1. I hate cowards. Hate safe people and those who don’t have the guts to take a stand on anything.
2. I love babies, kids. Love their innocent happiness and simple thinking.
3. God every point begins with an I. Tragic. I’m creatively stunted. Let me try
4. Smell of wet mud after the rains. I like. (lol, I did it!)
5. I’m lazy when there is no work and super energetic and a workaholic when there is tons of work. I don’t know how to be in between.
6. I used to be very emotional, especially about relationships. I’m turning into a stronger person now. Learning to be a bitch.
7. Psychology comes naturally to me.I don’t need a text book. I understand behaviours and mechanisms people use without trying. This helps me forgive too. Damn.
8. I believe timing is everything.
9. I keep playing with my hair, and my mom whacks me for it.
10. I miss my sister, whose always busy with her studies etc… waiting to enjoy the months lost.
11. I love intelligence. It’s a turn on.
12. My daddy strongest. He is a saviour to all my crises. Midnight car break downs etc.
13. I believe in supporting special occasions of family & close friends.
14. I miss my granddad. But since he’s left us, I’ve cried so much. I don’t know what to feel anymore. But thinking of him a lot, tugs that patched up hole in my heart, and so I’ve stopped thinking or discussing him even when someone else tries.
15. I still want to make him proud.
16. Im tired of power plays at work
17. I love it when my hair smells good after a nice long shampoo bath.
18. I love it when my bf smells my hair, whether or not its washed. It somehow smells good to him all the time!
19. I’m reading the 3 mistakes of my life. And I like it. I even asked Ma to get khakra. Missed it.
20. I admire my mother’s strength.
21. I hate it when I get insecure about anything. I wait to bounce back.
22. I love bike rides. Love fast cars.
23. I sometimes wish I was a guy. Even dreamt of it.
24. Grandma’s cooking, her passion and her energy at her present age, wows me.
25. Ok last one…. Um….. I want to see the Curious case of Benjamin Button.

This Tag is for everyone! :) whoever wants to do it!

face value

Its amazing how we learn to adapt to situations in life. But sometimes some repetitive situations still never fail to amaze us and freeze us.

Off late, I've learnt I need to look at things at face value. Not too deep, not too far. Just the right distance from your face.

That's the best way to deal with all kinds of people.... face value... till your sure you can take it further. Or else its still safe, from where you stand.

And the best part! I can now have fun without expecting or giving! :)

I understand your pissed. But I had every right to that drink.

I understand your pissed. But I had every right to that drink.


Thankyou for being who you are, for I know not where I whither.
I need your firmness. However, this time I will not let myself go on the 'guilt-trip'.
For even though I can't lie to you, I can never admit how much I needed it.


Everyday there is plenty around me,including the smokes. All kinds.

After losing out on weekends, nights and days of frustration because of my pain-in-the-ass job, and resistance due to your keen sense of smell and observations, I decided I would be okay with a breezer and some polo.I even added coffee.

Alas, I failed the involuntary test.
And again we dissapointed each other.

For you - I'm too young.
For me - Your ever growing denial, that I'm still young.


Forgive them for they know not the evils that lurk around their child. They know not the value of my paltry 'sins' when measured against the torrents of the other children.

November 26th, Wednesday, Night 9:15 pm onwards....and it went on... for 60 hours

Burning Taj Hotel


Mumbai, India, and the world were not prepared for this ghastly terror attack.
South Mumbai was attacked by 10 terrorists at the Taj Mahal Hotel, Oberoi,at Nariman point, and CST


What was shocking were the young boys who think they're 'jihadis' and really have no clue what they got into. I seiously believe people who have brainwashed them are the ones to blame. I dont blame these boys. Yes I do get angry at their "I dont regret" attitude. What is also shocking is the one terrorist captured alive, Kasav's revealation of events. Its kind of unreal and funny. I mean, havent we heard of the code of silence? When a mafia's gangster is caught, they would rather die than give away secrets of the organisation.
Either Kasav is misguiding the interrogators or he's being a hypocrite when he says he doesnt regret shooting random people.


KASAV at CST






Nearly 150 people died according to the papers/ media. Which means it will easily be about 300. That's how it always is. No one wants to highlight a big number.

I'm just shocked at the whole event. I couldnt sleep.

What was amazing is the calibre, and strength the terrorists possessed. To fight continuously for 3 days till the end. Its like they were in some sort of video game and kept going up onto the toughest levels. It really looked like these 20 yr olds had no clue what they've gotten into. I was also very angry with them. I cursed them like millions of people. But seriously, it was after the revealations that we understood the physical training they went through for months.

An NSG Commando ready




But of course, the men who saved India. Fighting and strategically moving into the terrorist occupied buildings --- The NSG, MARCO, ARMY, unarmed and khaki police officers. I think every rank possible was present. Except for the Navy :P, they were busy investigating, what went wrong at the water front!
Well whatever said and done. The army saved us. This was modern war in front of our eyes.The fact that the NSG personnel had to study the blueprint of the TAJ in a few hours to conquer the terrorists in 2 days, is extremely credible compared to the terrorists who possessed the building plan much earlier and trained well. Who knows they probably created a mini one at their camp! lol


I dont think India will forget this and move on. I dont want Mumbai to forget this and move on, nor should India move on! We need action, and we all need to be part of it.

I hope our government stops demanding NSG personnel for their Z+ security. If everyone is VVIP then we need more trained and armed personnel in the likes of the NSG.

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I'd like to dedicate this post to the brilliant Army and NSG personnel, the Late :ATS chief - Mr.Hemanth Karkare, encounter specialist Mr.Vijay Salaskar and Additional Commissioner of Police Mr.Ashok Kamte who lost their lives protecting and fighting for this country.

If I were a Boy

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wated
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.


[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed


If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)


(Chorus)


It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong


(Chorus)


But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy



------ Beyonce's "If I were a Boy"

This song has such meaningful words.... Her detail observation and mischievous way of expressing it really got me to be her fan all over again! :)

Ironic questions & thoughts

Sometimes I wonder how mechanical I can get.
Driving without thinking of the road.
Sometimes I've driven for a good 5 mins, and then asked myself, I hope it was the green signal! I just followed the other cars. Herd mentality! :P

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When I think of a prostitute, I think whatever the reason she is doing it, it must be so hard for her. How does she fall asleep at night?

"How does a prostitute sleep at night?"

"um... in a Y position?"

Tut tut.. so evil... Yeah
If only I was so simple! LOL

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What is bravery? (for a relationship/ moment)

Yelling and asserting something in the beginning of a disturbing relationship/moment.

Waiting for it to reach a peak and letting it all out.

Waiting and not altering anything.

Walking out.Away.Blocking ur ears

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Why is that I forget disturbing things of the past? Why is that when Im not talking to someone I forget the good times we shared? Forget the jokes and laughs? Why is my mind not letting me? What sort of defense mechanism is this?? When I dont want it!!

Have I no say?


-----------------------------------------------------------


Books.

Inspiring, influencing.

Why do we fit ourselves into that powerful character and think yes thats me. Or I can see myself doing the same thing soon?

How is that all of us are so similar? We think we are unique. We are just bits of each other. Even in hatred we are alike.

Why cant religion bring this out?

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Why am I so hard on myself?

I dunno.

But I like it. I dont know how to not judge myself. How to forgive myself and live easy.Forgiveness can happen, eventually.

I feel useless then. I feel if I have no opinion about myself, then I cant judge someone else.


Sometimes, I wanna let go though.


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We are all scared of ourselves. Scared of the side that doesn't give in to control.


Those who aren't scared are spoiling themselves in pandora's box of sins.



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Why cant we write? without being judged....

Sometimes I feel so alone....

Alone in making the right choice.

Alone in choosing the right person.

Alone in my sorrow.

Alone in my thoughts.

Alone in being cheated.

Alone in my plans.

Alone in the truth.

Alone in my sense of self.

Alone in judgements.

Alone in my tears.

And when they talk, I'd rather be alone, than follow.

Tag!

I have been hit- EQUI's tagged me!

5 quirks/addictions

•Tomato Ketchup : Love the flavour! Usually have it with a lot of food items like pizza,noodles,toast & cheese, cutlets etc… :P
•Cell phone : Addicted to it, to chat! To press snooze when I’m supposed to get up!!
•Listening to Music/Radio while I bathe. Cant do otherwise!
•Playing with my hair, twirling and feeling strands of hair. Dunno why I do this. Mom keeps shouting, not to! :O lol
•Dressing up : I have to dress well. Dress smart.It doesn’t mean wearing makeup all the time, in fact I hardly wear makeup. But its like I wont be caught in a loose T shirt or pajamas even to the ‘food world’ near my house!

Anyone who wants to do this one can! :)

Slow traffic
Random thoughts
Birds flying above me.

Getting all the green signals on my way to work and back!! :) (happened to me last Friday)
Music and songs stuck in my head,
Grins and smirks across our conversations
Audible not visible.

Impulsive buys and chaos,
Ecstasy for an hour and then panic!
Up the graph and zooming down to zero.

Secrets,and white lies
Giggles and love
Cuddle under my blanket, smiling at the eventful week.

Life cannot be programmed

The other day when I was talking to a friend who was bothered about controlling things, I said something : "Life cannot be programmed."
I was surprised by my sudden profound statement, since I can be a control freak too!

But that line really hit me. It hit us both.

For eg: sometimes no matter how hard you try to get to a movie, you cant. You can go to 4 theatres on the same day, but if you are not meant to watch that movie that day, you wont. That's how things are... you probably can watch another movie, or hang out, but sometimes the forces are beyond your control.

Of course I dont mean that such issues as missing a desired movie is as important in life's scheme of things.
There are bigger issues, bigger decisions, that matter so much that you cant sleep at night. That keep you awake, because you are so busy planning what to say to this person, how to go about it etc... and then on that day, you discuss something totally different, things become weird, and out of your programme. Your mental picture, the scenario you created, and apprehended, are different and suddenly your expected to cope with the new situation.

I've been facing this and I realised that, if my goal is pure, if my reason is justified to me, if Im happy, then the new 'unapprehended'/'unprogrammed' situation cant be so bad! Because you dont need preparation for something you believe in,your voice and words carry conviction if you are truly convinced. Thus whatever the scenario is, the battle wont be so bad.

Whatever happens, whether you succeed or fail, you are content, because you did what you had to do. Even if it was for the that moment, period of time etc...

What you do can be right or wrong to others,but in the end, was it right to you when you actioned it? Thats all that counts, and gives you a peaceful sleep!

Curse of the Spider

On sunday due to house cleaning, a massive giant tarantula-like spider was found on my bed. I tried killing it and it played dead for a while. Then I freaked out seeing its long legs moving slowly... screamed... daddy strongest arrived. Killed it.

I don't usually kill spiders cause they help me kill mosquitoes etc...and they hardly occupy space to make the place icky- unlike cockroaches- anyway... but I had to kill this one cause it wasnt moving from my bed! and i was really scared it'll get inside it and crawl on me at night!

And that's exactly what happened!

They next day I found another smaller on on the edge of my bed. No wonder I had a few itches here and there on my arms!

Today was another one! or the same one.. cause I didnt kill it... got lost somewhere when I tried..
And my elbow have tiny itchy spider bites!

SO I guess its the curse of the BIG spider who I killed and its family!

But I'm still not sorry. I'd rather suffer than have a giant spider on my bed!! eeee...

Respect

Respect.

No other word to substitute it.

Seldom appreciated, respecting one’s space is so crucial. It’s the one thing that can break relationships. Love and trust can’t make up for respect.

Cause with respect comes the above two elements…

I believe that every time someone infringes your space, your area… by imposing their views, a radar does go off. Internally.
But we don’t always react.

I don’t. several times, I’ve let it pass.

This is wrong. I should’ve stopped it when it was crossing limits. Instead I have an outburst. Its like I run out patience and then BOOM!

After that I have zilch feelings for that person. I become cold and unaffected. There’s no good or bad feeling towards him or her.

That’s just me…

But I guess I should learn not to let it get to that stage in the first place!