Levels of Passion

(Wrote this in the summer of 2005)

Fire and emotions mix together and create Passion.You fall in love with an object.The object could be a person or just an inanimate object.An attachment so quick,too easy to comprehend, so sudden.So inappropriate, yet beautiful and tender.Holding on to such a feeling isn’t difficult.To retain this fervor isn’t an effort of the mind.It’s an act of the heart and this rules the mind, for the heart doesn’t follow logic,reasons and explainations.It follows the simple rule of pleasure.The inexplicable principle of not justifying and following basic instincts.Passion is bound by this and blinds your head.You take turns in life which make you fall or succeed.One things for sure, when its guided by your heart, you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, because you had no reason.The beauty of Passion is that it cannot be controlled but it can be curtailed.The art of curtailing passion can be understood and achieved after you are scarred. In some cases it takes one deep scar, while is some the heart requires more.But this magical curio becomes priceless when you learn this art.This art of curtailing and limiting your passions to different levels.And you are the sole master.Art of feeling without bleeding. Art of engaging without participating.This art of entering a world without existing.Its like feeling yet not feeling.A power that makes you proud to have been scarred.When one questions this judgement- he or she hasn’t been scarred, yet.

Impressions

For the past few days I’ve been working day and night on my job journal. Though most of it was done, finishing touches took so long. And just when I thought I was done, I remembered something else…and it went on….
When I was working on it one thing kept ringing in my head. Something my lecturer told me, ‘Its got to look good Rohini.’ Now that advice was/is good, especially cause evaluators have too many job reports to read. Keeping that in mind I’d repeat it to myself.Even though its ironic, impressions are everything in this world.
For instance, it was 2 am, I was listening to music and kinda spaced out from lack of sleep and loud music that I blared to prevent me from sleeping, and continue working, when I spotted this beautiful white moth. It was so small, maybe just a little bigger than the nail of my little finger.
Now I said beautiful and moth in the same sentence, now and then in my head. That’s usually not me. I’m scared of them. They’re usually big, brown and ugly and come right at me. Well that’s another story, I always attract insects..sad. Anyhow I guess me being zonked and the moth being tiny and pretty didn’t get me tensed. But even in that state I realised how petty I was…its true Impressions are everything.

'The whole world loves it when you make that sound'

Its one in the morning.I’m listening to Outkast…‘and the whole world loves it when you make that sound’.
I’m wide awake yet tired. What to do? I have some of my job journal left but my brain refuses to work anymore. Its only letting me type nonsense haha like I’m now.
I’m bored!waaaaaaaaaaaaa…..n my free messages are over! Hm..what are the chances of anyone being up now anyway?
Lol…I shall go now..maybe read something. Shit and I made this rule for myself, not to start any novel now cause my exams are coming up and I should read the given novels (tess n hindi) instead! L well ideally hehehe…
Now kryptonite… ‘If I go crazy then will you still call me superman?’lalala....

The blah mood

I hate it when I get into the blah mood. You know when you just don’t feel like doing anything, when nothing seems important, when no one seems friendly or nice, when life just loses its purpose?!
Yep it’s the infamous blah mood. I think, so what am I gonna do with my life, this is one of the worst characteristics of the blah mood. It brings me face to face with the word ‘Career’…hm… I hate this mood.
The blah mood hits me at the weirdest hours. It could be after a good nap, it could be any time after college. The only way I control it, is by getting distracted! Or try to…
And when I walk home from the bus stand, I think. Sometimes I just stare at the dogs or weird strangers who stare at me. But its during this walk that I plan the evening’s agenda.
So today in the blah mood I said I have to write 2 articles,do my job journal and OE assignment. But that was some sane part of my brain. I reached home and dozed off!
Life has no purpose or maybe its just my cold..lol

Squirrel Crap!

Having finished my Psychology paper, I lugged my bag onto my shoulder and walked with the general flow of the masses. All of us like zombies. Mechanically heading for the Nescafe kiosk.
So I walk and walk and finally reach the drive. Note the stress on walk, even though the distance is short, it felt like such an effort after that paper, lack of sleep and general boredom. 2nd year in college and I still don’t know whether Nescafe is at the front drive or the back drive!?
The drive and Nescafe should help u picture the exact location, if you’ve been to MCC.
I spotted my friends who were all complaining or rather laughing about our brilliant performance in our favourite subject, Psychology! I laughed too.
Some were sitting and some where standing. I love to sit, I mean who wants to stand when u can sit? Unfortunately every space available to park my ass was dirty. So I stood and whined and sought for some less muddy area.
Momentarily forgetting about this dilemma I got into some conversation about studies?or was it food? Or something…well anyway suddenly I shut my mouth. Was that a plop on my head?
My first reaction was “What the hell?” Slowly I reached up and touched my hair.
If a crow had done it, I’d be cool. BUT A SQUIRREL!???
What are the chances of that happening to anyone but me?! I’m always getting myself into the weirdest and the funniest situations.Haha…But then I wasn’t laughing. I was shocked and bemused. I was getting angry and was already bugged as aforesaid so I cried out loud! Everyone laughed, well so would I if I hadn’t been the one with crap on my hair.
The worst part, I had shampooed my hair in the morning. I washed it off and grumpily sat on the muddy stone.
Who cared if it was dirty anymore, a squirrel had just unloaded its crap on me!