November 26th, Wednesday, Night 9:15 pm onwards....and it went on... for 60 hours

Burning Taj Hotel


Mumbai, India, and the world were not prepared for this ghastly terror attack.
South Mumbai was attacked by 10 terrorists at the Taj Mahal Hotel, Oberoi,at Nariman point, and CST


What was shocking were the young boys who think they're 'jihadis' and really have no clue what they got into. I seiously believe people who have brainwashed them are the ones to blame. I dont blame these boys. Yes I do get angry at their "I dont regret" attitude. What is also shocking is the one terrorist captured alive, Kasav's revealation of events. Its kind of unreal and funny. I mean, havent we heard of the code of silence? When a mafia's gangster is caught, they would rather die than give away secrets of the organisation.
Either Kasav is misguiding the interrogators or he's being a hypocrite when he says he doesnt regret shooting random people.


KASAV at CST






Nearly 150 people died according to the papers/ media. Which means it will easily be about 300. That's how it always is. No one wants to highlight a big number.

I'm just shocked at the whole event. I couldnt sleep.

What was amazing is the calibre, and strength the terrorists possessed. To fight continuously for 3 days till the end. Its like they were in some sort of video game and kept going up onto the toughest levels. It really looked like these 20 yr olds had no clue what they've gotten into. I was also very angry with them. I cursed them like millions of people. But seriously, it was after the revealations that we understood the physical training they went through for months.

An NSG Commando ready




But of course, the men who saved India. Fighting and strategically moving into the terrorist occupied buildings --- The NSG, MARCO, ARMY, unarmed and khaki police officers. I think every rank possible was present. Except for the Navy :P, they were busy investigating, what went wrong at the water front!
Well whatever said and done. The army saved us. This was modern war in front of our eyes.The fact that the NSG personnel had to study the blueprint of the TAJ in a few hours to conquer the terrorists in 2 days, is extremely credible compared to the terrorists who possessed the building plan much earlier and trained well. Who knows they probably created a mini one at their camp! lol


I dont think India will forget this and move on. I dont want Mumbai to forget this and move on, nor should India move on! We need action, and we all need to be part of it.

I hope our government stops demanding NSG personnel for their Z+ security. If everyone is VVIP then we need more trained and armed personnel in the likes of the NSG.

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I'd like to dedicate this post to the brilliant Army and NSG personnel, the Late :ATS chief - Mr.Hemanth Karkare, encounter specialist Mr.Vijay Salaskar and Additional Commissioner of Police Mr.Ashok Kamte who lost their lives protecting and fighting for this country.

If I were a Boy

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wated
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.


[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed


If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)


(Chorus)


It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong


(Chorus)


But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy



------ Beyonce's "If I were a Boy"

This song has such meaningful words.... Her detail observation and mischievous way of expressing it really got me to be her fan all over again! :)

Ironic questions & thoughts

Sometimes I wonder how mechanical I can get.
Driving without thinking of the road.
Sometimes I've driven for a good 5 mins, and then asked myself, I hope it was the green signal! I just followed the other cars. Herd mentality! :P

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When I think of a prostitute, I think whatever the reason she is doing it, it must be so hard for her. How does she fall asleep at night?

"How does a prostitute sleep at night?"

"um... in a Y position?"

Tut tut.. so evil... Yeah
If only I was so simple! LOL

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What is bravery? (for a relationship/ moment)

Yelling and asserting something in the beginning of a disturbing relationship/moment.

Waiting for it to reach a peak and letting it all out.

Waiting and not altering anything.

Walking out.Away.Blocking ur ears

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Why is that I forget disturbing things of the past? Why is that when Im not talking to someone I forget the good times we shared? Forget the jokes and laughs? Why is my mind not letting me? What sort of defense mechanism is this?? When I dont want it!!

Have I no say?


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Books.

Inspiring, influencing.

Why do we fit ourselves into that powerful character and think yes thats me. Or I can see myself doing the same thing soon?

How is that all of us are so similar? We think we are unique. We are just bits of each other. Even in hatred we are alike.

Why cant religion bring this out?

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Why am I so hard on myself?

I dunno.

But I like it. I dont know how to not judge myself. How to forgive myself and live easy.Forgiveness can happen, eventually.

I feel useless then. I feel if I have no opinion about myself, then I cant judge someone else.


Sometimes, I wanna let go though.


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We are all scared of ourselves. Scared of the side that doesn't give in to control.


Those who aren't scared are spoiling themselves in pandora's box of sins.



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Why cant we write? without being judged....

Sometimes I feel so alone....

Alone in making the right choice.

Alone in choosing the right person.

Alone in my sorrow.

Alone in my thoughts.

Alone in being cheated.

Alone in my plans.

Alone in the truth.

Alone in my sense of self.

Alone in judgements.

Alone in my tears.

And when they talk, I'd rather be alone, than follow.

Tag!

I have been hit- EQUI's tagged me!

5 quirks/addictions

•Tomato Ketchup : Love the flavour! Usually have it with a lot of food items like pizza,noodles,toast & cheese, cutlets etc… :P
•Cell phone : Addicted to it, to chat! To press snooze when I’m supposed to get up!!
•Listening to Music/Radio while I bathe. Cant do otherwise!
•Playing with my hair, twirling and feeling strands of hair. Dunno why I do this. Mom keeps shouting, not to! :O lol
•Dressing up : I have to dress well. Dress smart.It doesn’t mean wearing makeup all the time, in fact I hardly wear makeup. But its like I wont be caught in a loose T shirt or pajamas even to the ‘food world’ near my house!

Anyone who wants to do this one can! :)

Slow traffic
Random thoughts
Birds flying above me.

Getting all the green signals on my way to work and back!! :) (happened to me last Friday)
Music and songs stuck in my head,
Grins and smirks across our conversations
Audible not visible.

Impulsive buys and chaos,
Ecstasy for an hour and then panic!
Up the graph and zooming down to zero.

Secrets,and white lies
Giggles and love
Cuddle under my blanket, smiling at the eventful week.

Life cannot be programmed

The other day when I was talking to a friend who was bothered about controlling things, I said something : "Life cannot be programmed."
I was surprised by my sudden profound statement, since I can be a control freak too!

But that line really hit me. It hit us both.

For eg: sometimes no matter how hard you try to get to a movie, you cant. You can go to 4 theatres on the same day, but if you are not meant to watch that movie that day, you wont. That's how things are... you probably can watch another movie, or hang out, but sometimes the forces are beyond your control.

Of course I dont mean that such issues as missing a desired movie is as important in life's scheme of things.
There are bigger issues, bigger decisions, that matter so much that you cant sleep at night. That keep you awake, because you are so busy planning what to say to this person, how to go about it etc... and then on that day, you discuss something totally different, things become weird, and out of your programme. Your mental picture, the scenario you created, and apprehended, are different and suddenly your expected to cope with the new situation.

I've been facing this and I realised that, if my goal is pure, if my reason is justified to me, if Im happy, then the new 'unapprehended'/'unprogrammed' situation cant be so bad! Because you dont need preparation for something you believe in,your voice and words carry conviction if you are truly convinced. Thus whatever the scenario is, the battle wont be so bad.

Whatever happens, whether you succeed or fail, you are content, because you did what you had to do. Even if it was for the that moment, period of time etc...

What you do can be right or wrong to others,but in the end, was it right to you when you actioned it? Thats all that counts, and gives you a peaceful sleep!

Curse of the Spider

On sunday due to house cleaning, a massive giant tarantula-like spider was found on my bed. I tried killing it and it played dead for a while. Then I freaked out seeing its long legs moving slowly... screamed... daddy strongest arrived. Killed it.

I don't usually kill spiders cause they help me kill mosquitoes etc...and they hardly occupy space to make the place icky- unlike cockroaches- anyway... but I had to kill this one cause it wasnt moving from my bed! and i was really scared it'll get inside it and crawl on me at night!

And that's exactly what happened!

They next day I found another smaller on on the edge of my bed. No wonder I had a few itches here and there on my arms!

Today was another one! or the same one.. cause I didnt kill it... got lost somewhere when I tried..
And my elbow have tiny itchy spider bites!

SO I guess its the curse of the BIG spider who I killed and its family!

But I'm still not sorry. I'd rather suffer than have a giant spider on my bed!! eeee...

Respect

Respect.

No other word to substitute it.

Seldom appreciated, respecting one’s space is so crucial. It’s the one thing that can break relationships. Love and trust can’t make up for respect.

Cause with respect comes the above two elements…

I believe that every time someone infringes your space, your area… by imposing their views, a radar does go off. Internally.
But we don’t always react.

I don’t. several times, I’ve let it pass.

This is wrong. I should’ve stopped it when it was crossing limits. Instead I have an outburst. Its like I run out patience and then BOOM!

After that I have zilch feelings for that person. I become cold and unaffected. There’s no good or bad feeling towards him or her.

That’s just me…

But I guess I should learn not to let it get to that stage in the first place!

Golden Kisses

Its funny how the small things in life are missed in our daily ‘fast-forward’ lives.

The other day I got up early and planned to do some exercise at home. I was feeling too lazy to drive to the club and if I delayed, I’d be late for work.

So I finished walking around my block for a good 30 mins.

Then I went home and it was about 7:30 am and I started doing exercises and stretches etc… and then as I was lying down, the sun hit my eyes.

I turned to block the light, it was hitting my eye. I put my right palm against the light, it cut it from my vision. I was a little perturbed as I was enjoying my workout, and now this sunlight was disturbing the peace.

But it took just a few seconds for my mood to turn. And suddenly it struck me, I have not had the sun hitting my eyes in days!!!

Lying down on my carpet and feeling the early-sun kisses on my skin, I started smiling. You know the not-harsh sun rays that one sees around 7:30am.

Corporate world is so cut off from all this. I used to rush out for work and come back late for days, and the whole day we work in artificial lighting. This sunlight dancing on my arms was so strangely pleasing. I even noticed the tiny hairs on my hand looked golden.
And I haven’t seen that in such a looonnggg time!!

:)

From a song....

" A troubled dog doesn't move mountains,
he digs the ground you're on. "

Tagged!

Ok here goes the tag that Equilibrium passed on to me!

1. Family- Secret Garden : This post was written when I was bugged that I had to hide my relationship with my boyfriend from my parents, unlike his! lol Well its been one and half years with him, and still its not so openly talked about and even though they know im not really 'reading' in my room at 10pm but on the phone with him, we all act like he's a good 'friend' hahaha



2. Friends- This post is purely on friendships and the person who I thought I had lost, is back in my life yay! she's too close to go...



3. Me - Well this blog is about me lol..but this one is how goofy I can be!



4. Love - Lol I think there are quite a few on this one.. hehehe here is one of my favourites.


5. Reading Minds - Hmm... this is tough. I dont think I've attempted reading minds, but I have analyzed behaviour!

Those who have time and creative juices arent flowing, pls do the tag :)

Decisions

There are times in your life when you have to look objectively at situations, even if its very very personal. Times when there is no right or wrong, but just action. Like the famous quote by Lord Krishna, “Action is its own fruit.” When you cant get caught up in emotions and relations…..to accomplish the selfish goal.

The past week has been crazy mentally and emotionally for me, due to decisions on personal goals. I’m probably still not out of them yet, and in some sense, will never be. But the whole stress and nightmarish sleep and wondering which fits well in my life, in my future, trying to predict the future, trying to analyse my strengths and weaknesses, trying not to show my weaknesses to people…. God! Its one thing after another…

So then I asked myself, if I’m ready for a change. Which is more important,in terms of my career, now or the future? Its like an investment. We never think of buying and selling property in a few months, unless you have several ;) We invest to get returns over a long period. And that’s what I thought,let me focus on later, not on now.

This rationale comes only later though… your first instinct is the one I believe in. You know the feeling in your stomach, the gut feeling, when you just know this thing is really bad for you, or really good for you. Its also the vibe you get from the new people and new place/ environment you enter… It really counts for me and the decisions I’ve made so far on that feeling have turned out to be just perfect and gorgeous!! :)

I feel content. Even if there are hiccups on the way, I’m pretty sure, this is going to be good for me in the long run.

No one is to blame. Its my decision and when my heart and head agree, no regrets :)

And then came the rain....

Expression in any form is beautiful, individual and unique. How we express ourselves, our energies, our laughter, our love, our fears, our desires ...... differs from one person to another.

There are times when I get frustrated with people who dont express what they feel, why they feel it, or when... they just cant, or they get it all wrong... and sparks fly and I get annoyed. Then there are those who hate confrontations and I cant take that! I mean if your not wrong, why fear? And if you aren't right, why fear again? Why not face it, and move on?? These things are common. I've been through my bad days too and confessing isnt easy always! Its tough. But at least I can sleep well at night, once its done.

Well the reason I started writing today, is cause off late I have been missing my passion. My outlets. And today I could express. I could be myself and I was appreciated.
I danced :)

In between all this maddness and compulsions, I hope I can perform again. I really miss it.. and it fell like it was raining on me and I smiled through the water drops.
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This is how I had started my day, till things went awry. I wont let anyone's opinions or judgements touch this place. Conventions and rubbish. So unfair. Just coz Im a woman.
Im publishing this cause I believe in finishing things once you start it. Esp when I wrote this all
smiling :)

Music and the heart

I've just started learning the piano.I know its late, cause everyone starts off in their childhood years... but at least I'm doing it!*better late than never!*
Its once a week. And my teacher is a dentist! so cool huh... diff professions but we connect due to music...

Its difficult to express what I wanna say in this post...
But I hope I get this right..

The chords strike slow,
sharp at times and low.
My fingers flow.
And something triggers a tear.
A certain set of keys releases emotions.
It soothes me...
I play it
again and again
and again.
Silence
and the balm.

New life

So many changes.
Different faces.
New people.

A new phase.

I'm squashed, new info flowing in every second.

Freedom and liberty.
Discarding relationships, everyone is their first name.

Man I'm getting used to it!
My first job!